Today marks 2 days before my surgery to get my uterine fibroid removed. I tried to heal myself naturally for close to three years. This journey began with trying to cut as many chemicals out of my daily life as possible, changing my diet, and other alternative ways of healing myself such as acupuncture, herbs, yoga, and many others.
This blog entry is a very sensitive and emotional one for me, as I’m typing my eyes are filling with tears and the tightening of my heart wrestles with the notion that I started this blog with the intention of trying to heal myself naturally. Cut to three years later and I am now getting a myomectomy to remove the fibroid that is now about 8.2 cm. I’m emotional for many different reasons, but first and foremost was the expectation that I placed upon myself of healing myself naturally, and ultimately being disappointed with the outcome that I had recently arrived at. I told myself if that if I didn’t see any significant improvement, and if my overall health was being affected, then I would consider the surgery. I felt at times that my voice wouldn’t be authentic because of the fact that I had started this blog with the intention of healing myself naturally and now the decision to get the surgery was going against everything I had set forth in trying to achieve. I felt I would be disappointing my readers, the ones who had found me for the information they were seeking on how to heal themselves naturally from fibroids.
But what I realized is this, this is my journey, and no matter what, the person that needs to feel satisfied is me. I needed to try all of the things I did because it brought me to the point I’m at today, which is allowing myself to be ok with the way this all worked out. Sometimes in life you can only control so much, inevitably things will not always go as planned and learning to have faith in the process, is at times a tough pill to swallow.  I have exponentially grown on this journey, and I have learned so much about myself and the way I reluctantly embrace life at times and it’s challenges.  But without this experience I would have never learned the things that I did.  Among the many realizations that bubbled up was what I believe to be the plain and simple fact of what Western medicine has to offer. To simply gloss over this vast arena of knowledge would be of dis-service to myself and the knowledge that supports it. I believe that when combined together Eastern and Western medicine can have a beautiful co-existence. It’s simply balanced.
Giving up control and finally letting go of something I was holding onto so tightly has been a challenging lesson, the irony is that the thing I was holding onto so tightly was the very thing I was trying so hard to get rid of….
When I finally decided to get the surgery, I felt free, I felt that for whatever reason I had encountered this health situation, it was meant to be. It made me reevaluate my life, what I was passionate about and what I wanted from my life, and what I didn’t. As we have all encountered in life, messages do not always come wrapped in perfect little packages. It took me time to see the beauty in this situation, but I’m thankful that along the way I had some people supporting me and loving me. It wasn’t always easy for these people or myself, but what was the biggest lesson for me was that things are different for everyone. What works for one person, may not necessarily work for another, and that being patient with myself was truly the gift that was given to me, which allowed me to see with very clear eyes what I am truly passionate about, which has unfolded in the making of this blog. I have always been passionate about skincare, and daily care practices, ever since I was young. When teenage hormones wreaked havoc in producing a constellation of lovely “stars” on my face, it brought me to research natural ways of healing my skin.  My mother and I were scientists in the kitchen, concocting all sorts of things we had read about to heal blemishes.  But I never realized that I could somehow provide a living for myself by doing this. I finally came to the realization that I want to become an esthetician and give back to others in this way. I want to give back by providing people the environment to heal, relax and recharge in my care. I want to create a comfortable sanctuary where they can carve a couple hours out of their day to take care of themselves, and the idea of helping other human beings to create that for themselves means so much to me….