I’m just a normal woman trying to find her way through a firestorm of monthly pain caused by a lovely uterine fibroid the size of an orange. Every day is a new day, and that makes it a day to try something different. Healing myself has definitely been at the forefront of my life for the past two years. I have researched so many different alternative healing methods I could practically consider myself a Master of the Google search, “Uterine fibroids and how to heal naturally.” When I started this journey I had no idea how many wonderful people would come into my life to help me. Some of them so full of wisdom and some so graciously demanding, “Oh you must decide immediately whether you want children or not!” Did I really need to know that, right there and then, in that office? I just came to get some herbs to help heal my body of a fibroid, not to get criticized on the trajectory of my life. Did that moment demand that I made that decision there and then? What one person sees as social decorum may obviously not be what another thinks. I want my doctor to be honest with me, but when it comes to being criticized by not knowing that decision at “my” age, then you’re not the doctor for me. I left that office, feeling depleted, emotionally stirred, isolated and judged.
This is where it gets interesting though. As they say, it’s all about the journey and not the destination. Along my path to healing there were some tough questions that I had to ask myself, and not always easy ones. That doctor made me realize this; that my foundation and part of my healing was about the connection and support I have of the friends and family around me that love me. It is at these times in life where you want to curl up in a ball and shut yourself off and just handle it all on your own, or at least I did. Kind of like you are Wonder Woman and don’t want to bother anyone else with your problems. It is at these moments when you have to graciously lean in, be vulnerable, and allow people to love you and take care of you. In this honest exchange you see the beauty in every human being; it touches your soul so profoundly that you wonder why you haven’t ever done it before. Whether it’s your boyfriend coming to all of your gynecologist appointments, to the time you took him to a Shaman ritual to rid your body of stagnate energy to reduce the fibroid, or perhaps the time your sister and niece and nephew came to support you in a personal growth journey, and then turned around and walked out as soon as they walked in. It’s these moments, these little one’s that aren’t perfect, that sometimes are crazy, that are truly the nuggets of life. These are the times where you see who truly shows up, and it speaks volumes about the people in your life, as well as how you show up.
Did you do your research? Doctors, herbs, acupuncture, cranial sacral massage, christ energy, reiki, accupresssure, vitamins, minerals, infusions of vitamins, shamans, mantras, visualizations, crystals, right of the womb rituals, frequency medicine, you get the idea. I have experienced all of these and many more. Here is what I know. That each and every person I seeked out to help me were fully invested in what they believed in and took the time to share that with me. They took the time to help me because I simply asked them to. This is so simple and profound to me. All of the people I have encountered will forever have a place in my heart. I feel truly grateful for all of my experiences. Looking back on it I have had so many crazy, fun and heart warming moments all because of this orange sized fibroid that decided to take up residence in my body. Life is awesome, if you allow it to be. Don’t get me wrong, I have had some moments where I was in such extreme pain that I thought I might lose it. I always told myself that if I thought the fibroid was getting bigger and starting to severely affect my health, then I would look into getting surgery. Nobody can ever do it all on their own, and if they do, in the end they have no one to celebrate the victories with. I had to learn to graciously accept people’s help, and also learn that my needing help is not a weakness, that my vulnerability was a way for me to connect and share with people willing to help. My lesson has been to learn to allow myself to be loved, to be cared for, to be supported and most of all to share my journey. This is my story.